German Humor at Its Best

The year-end edition of Germany's top business daily Handelsblatt presents the finest of German humor:

Planet of the Weapons

"Planet of the Weapons" (in German: Planet der Waffen) of course is a reference to "Planet of the Apes" (in German: Planet der Affen).

For the uninitiated, German humor is famous for its sophisticated, witty punchlines...

(Hat tip David J.)

Comments

[Carl Spackler]

Well, frankly, there aren’t that many weapons, nor soldiers in Iraq. For the the individual soldiers, as always, they have made great efforts, but for the US, with it’s ever increasing wealth and population, Iraq, Afghanistan, even the whole war on terror, has been effortless. Of course to a small, parochial country with little or no influence beyond delusions of it’s incestuous elite, the US actions seem blinding and huge. Again, it isn’t that it is, it is just perspective, and a boat load of leftist, loser psychological baggage hardwired into scrimped, shriveled populace.

[Redhand]

About as funny as WWII, which, come to think of it, the GERMANS started. Eureka, I just KNEW there was a secret Teutonic connection between humor, weapons and war! No wonder Handelsblatt thinks this is a real knee-slapper.

[LouMinatti]

Ooh. George Bush is a chimp. I get it! Isn't that clever? I have never heard that before!

[PacRim Jim]

Germans? Humor? Was fuer ein Leben.
Reminds me of the old German saying, "What is the matter with you? Have you no sense of cruelty?"

[Davod]

I have finally figured out the problem with the US/Bush haters, because that is what they are. They are still upset that they lost the wars, WWI, WWII, and the Cold War.

Remember, industrialists did quite well in each war. Despite recent attempts to portray otherwise, the average German was probably quite happy until the situations turned against them.

[Pamela]

Penis envy.

Which actually is pretty funny.

[joe]

This surely would appeal to a nation whose citizens were responsible for the deaths of more than 77 million people in the 20th Century.

It really is quite revealing.

[George M]

Cool, I got a new computer for Christmas that can get by Type Key.

I had a nice Christmas conversation with German friends who live 1 Km away from the old East German border. They are in Hessen. Their neighboring town is located in Thuringen. My friends put their son on the phone. He is 12 yo, in the first year of Gymnasium and wanted to impress me with his English.

Somehow, the conversation drifted into foreign language education. Apparently, the kids in Hessen learn English first as a second language and have electives to learn Spanish or French. I couldn’t help but take a dig at Schroeder and opined to my friend that since Schroeder had taken a job working for Putin, I am surprised that their kids don’t learn Russian.

I think the joke went over her head. She explained to me that across the state line in Thuringen, the children still learn Russian as their primary foreign language. I was kind of shocked. It has been almost 15 years since reunification. You would think that the “Neuen Bundislaender” would start to orientate their education towards the West. After all, that is where their bread is buttered. Believe it or not, France is Germany’s top trading partner. (They exchange smelly cheese with the French) The U.S. is a close second, which is amazing, since we are not even a part of the EU. I don’t know where Russia stands, but it must be far down the list. (Stolen German cars for natural gas?)

I began to wonder if this may be a major reason why Germany’s mentality towards the U.S. has changed. My friends are still friendly towards me and they want to vacation in the U.S. I wonder if the inclusion of East German elites from the old SED into the Schroeder government may be the cause of the deterioration of U.S. German relationships. It seems that a good part of the population still eyes Russia as the big man on campus, even though this mentality is not (as of yet) based on reality.

[Sleepy]

Waffen is bad, Mmmkay:

"Still, the plastic around some of the rockets — of Soviet, German and French origins — appeared to be fresh and had not deteriorated as it had on some of the older munitions."

http://www.navytimes.com/story.php?f=1-292925-1424547.php

[Scout]

@George: "I wonder if the inclusion of East German elites from the old SED into the Schroeder government may be the cause of the deterioration of U.S. German relationships."
I thought about that as well but finally rejected the notion. IMHO, things occurring at approximately the same time does not mean there is a causual relationship, or in some cases, that the events are even related. I believe anti-Americanism was always prevelant in Germany. What changed was the end of the Cold War. Germany and Germans no longer felt a need to keep a lid on it for the greater good of the Western Alliance and the struggle against communism. At best, the presence of old-guard SED comrades in German political discussion only accelerated the destruction of German-US understanding, but was not the cause of it.
I still remember back in the 80's, my (German) in-laws always received a newspaper published by the Catholic Church -- not exactly a left-wing institution. Nevertheless, EVERY ISSUE had some negative article about the US... some strange cruel crime, or a new law, or a court case, or if nothing else, the latest abortion statistics to demonstrate the complete disintegration of values or faith in the US and the obvious superiority of the German model. I just shrugged it off back then. But now I understand how it fits in the overall picture.

[flux]

The primary foreign language taught in Thuringia is English, of course (http://www.thueringen.de/de/tkm/schule/informationen/sprachen/). Same with the other neue Bundeslaender.

[Scout]

George, one more thing about foreign language education, since you brought it up. If that's true about Thuringen, I'm sure they are having the same problems finding English teachers as everyone else. Besides, why put all those Russian teachers on the dole?
Anyway, since the beginning of this school year, I teach English at a Gymnasium in RLP. In this Bundesland, you may take only English or French as the 1st language, and if you start with French, you must take English next. Those who choose French first are a small minority: In the 7th form I've got 20 students who are starting English as the 2nd foreign language, compared to the approximately 160 who started with English in 5th form and now have a choice between Latin, French, or Spanish (they can get Russian later as a 3rd language).
That having been said, guess what happens when the German students get together with some French students on exchanges, etc. ? They tend to speak English to one another, much to the annoyance of the French or German teachers, respectively. ;-)

[Jabba the Tutt]

@Carl Spackler: "...but for the US, with it’s ever increasing wealth and population, Iraq, Afghanistan, even the whole war on terror, has been effortless."

I've read liberals complaining that the American People aren't making any sacrifices in this war (admitting for once, we're at war). They complain that we've had tax cuts (for the rich of course) and not tax increases.

But what you say is significant and the world ought to know this. The US has n't even begun to use our capabilities. I tell my liberal anti-war (anti-Bush) friends that Bush is using the soft option after 9/11. And if they are really anti-war, they would back Bush 1000%. Because if this soft option fails, we don't quick and go home, we move on to the hard option. The hard option would be a more WWII traditional kind of war, where the civilian population is also a target. The hard option would lead to the deaths of tens of millions of Muslims. If that's what it takes to defeat the Global Jihad, that'll be what is done.

Of course, this hard truth doesn't reach the liberals, who live in their own media-made fantasyland, where everything's free and money comes from the Rock Candy Mountain. And these are the people who control our media and control the Democrat Party and control the State Department and CIA. God help us. Save us from the liberals.

@Scout: "They tend to speak English to one another, much to the annoyance of the French or German teachers, respectively."

If you think like an economist, this makes perfect sense. With English, now the language of transportation, science, diplomacy, business and the internet, everyone on the planet will eventually speak English as a second language (with native English-speakers using an international standard English as a second language). Look at the alternative, learning French, Russian and English with Spanish and Latin thrown in for fun.

Smaller language groups, like Finns, will also learn the dominant neighboring language, say Swedish. But if you want to connect with the world, the easiest way, as well as the way to make money, is International Standard English. I speak German, but that hasn't made me a dime. If I were in Germany and spoke English, compared to someone, who didn't speak English, that means jobs and money in my pocket. That's the driving force for English.

[George M]

@ Flux:

My German friend is not stupid. If she believes that Thuringen is still teaching Russian, she must have a rationale for her perception. The article that you linked gave me the impression that “Ab 2005/2006,” English would be the primary language taught in Thuringen. Can it be that Russian was still taught for the last 15 years?

@Scout

"I'm sure they are having the same problems finding English teachers as everyone else. Besides, why put all those Russian teachers on the dole?"

I live on the NH/MA border. As the rest of the world knows, Mass has a very liberal state legislature. The people try to keep the liberals in check by electing conservative governors or by having state-wide ballot questions. (In Europe, they would call this a plebiscite.)

2 years ago, the people voted in a ballot question to end bilingual education. The people rightly felt that bilingual education was a total failure. This caused many bi-lingual teachers to fear for their jobs.

I know of one woman, who is originally from Chile, who taught a Spanish bilingual class. She was 5 years away from getting her pension. Instead of quitting or going back home to Chile, she discovered that she could actually teach in one language.....English. If there are any under-utilized Russian teachers in Thuringen or in the other “neuen Laender”, isn’t 15 years long enough to learn a new language or subject?

[Walter E. Wallis]

Europe needs to learn Farsi. Soon.

[Scout]

@George: My original comment (why put all those Russian teachers on the dole?) was meant a little facetiously... I guess I should have inserted a smiley. On the other hand, Germany has a habit of never teaching anyone anything new. The unemployed Widget maker in Munich stays unemployed forever, rather than move to Hamburg where they still make Widgets, or cross-train to make Gizmos in Munich. They just don't do it. So, in that light, I don't expect Russian teachers here to be able to do anything else.
Here's an interesting little point: I'm an English native-speaker (BA, MS), fluent in 4 languages, but I am actually _unqualified_ to teach English here in Germany. They only took me because they were so desperate. Also, because they only have to pay me half of the normal salary, because, well, because I'm unqualified. ;-)

[George M]

@Scout

Don't worry. I recognized your "facetiousness" right away! I just thought that the story of the former bilingual teacher was cool and would cause some of our German/Euro readers to have cold sweats!

[FranzisM]

Movie poster photoshops...

One of the punchlines about a Christmas dinner is that you get to explain to your neighbor's kid what you do in your office. The fun is because the writing on the wall goes "don't mention the war", so this is the moment when you notice that you need a digestive walk.

I went back to the little Christoph and told him the Fable of the Mirror Family:

An American and an European animal meet at the fence between their territories.

Says the American animal: You are sick!

Says the European animal: You are fake!

Say their owners: See now why the best firewall between them is the one that is mirroring on both sides?

[joe]

I am sure all of you also noticed how the two posters used both are from America.

Wonder why they did not use some block buster German movie poster?

Anyone know the reason?

[FranzisM]

Wrong question, it's Americas choice to export its movies.

The right question would have been why didn't the artist use an European face to get his message across?

E.g. Da Vinci, as an inventor of war machines, would have fit to the pun.

[joe]

Franz,

That is probably the most stupid reply you have made to date.

Hoping you will be able to be more focused in 06

[FranzisM]

@joe - See now how well the mirror is working? Must I really explain that the last proposal was a joke? How could an individual who lived too log ago to have left any photographs be featured in a movie poster photoshop?

As for the artists choice, that movie itself mentions another U.S. president Bush should have no reason to complain to be compared with. I really couldn´t find any better photoshop candidate to alert Europeans to put up full mental combat safeguards before dealing with that particular piece of the American imagination. The joke came to my mind because your poisoned popcorn reminded me of another trojan code whose author also is trying to kill his protagonist with ontological incest. Maybe, one day, the Americans will grow up and learn to maintain a proper separation between hagiography and fiction. But speaking of death, a prayer for Robert Stetham.

Meanwhile, the space aliens headquarters in Africa are deciding how to answer the Lincoln County provocation. /sarc

[FranzisM]

@joe - See now how well the mirror is working? Must I really explain that the last proposal was a joke? How could an individual who lived too log ago to have left any photographs be featured in a movie poster photoshop?

As for the artists choice, that movie itself mentions another U.S. president Bush should have no reason to complain to be compared with. I really couldn´t find any better photoshop candidate to alert Europeans to put up full mental combat safeguards before dealing with that particular piece of the American imagination. The joke came to my mind because your poisoned popcorn reminded me of another trojan code whose author also is trying to kill his protagonist with ontological incest. Maybe, one day, the Americans will grow up and learn to maintain a proper separation between hagiography and fiction. But speaking of death, a prayer for Robert Stetham.

Meanwhile, the space aliens headquarters in Africa are deciding how to answer the Lincoln County provocation. /sarc