The News We Had Been Waiting For

This just in, from "the Onion", via WSJ's "Best of the Web Today" (March 9, 2005):

Bush Announces Iraq Exit Strategy:
'We'll Go Through Iran'

WASHINGTON, DC—Almost a year after the cessation of major combat and a month after the nation's first free democratic elections, President Bush unveiled the coalition forces' strategy for exiting Iraq.

"I'm pleased to announce that the Department of Defense and I have formulated a plan for a speedy withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq," Bush announced Monday morning. "We'll just go through Iran."

Bush said the U.S. Army, which deposed Iran's longtime enemy Saddam Hussein, should be welcomed with open arms by the Islamic-fundamentalist state.

"And Iran's so nearby," Bush said. "It's only a hop, skip, and a jump to the east."

Will the Iranian mullahs fall for it?

And what about German journalists and German politicians?

I'm not yet willing to bet the farm on it, but I'd not be surprised to hear some Green party politicians producing alarmist noises...

Claudia Roth, can you hear me?

Comments

[Scott]

Outstanding!

[SteveO]

I love The Onion!
My favourite Headlines:

"Bush Addresses 8.2M Unemployed: "Get A Job!"

"US Vows to Defeat Whoever it is We're at War With" (after 9-11)

"9-11 Hijackers surprised to find themselves in hell"

"Woman Looks Great for a 32-Year-Old"

"Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over"

"Adorable Democratic Candidate Actually Believes He Has A Chance"

Haha

"Drugs win war on drugs"

[Doughnut Boy Andy]

"the news we have been waiting for"

I found this today that i think is the real news we were waiting for:

...Franka Potente´s new film is coming out AND, get this lads, she is single again!

But dont panic, she is apparently too busy for a relationship at the moment....ironic from somebody who complained that people in LA had a noncommittal attitude and were always too busy! LOL

http://bz.berlin1.de/aktuell/news/050310/potente.html

[Phil]

"9-11 Hijackers surprised to find themselves in hell"

This is a classic

[Eric Jablow]

The best Onion article of all time is still Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia—Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients.

[Stephan]

Or that one from the post 9-11 "Holy fucking shit Issue":

Point-Counterpoint: America's Response

We Must Retaliate With Blind Rage
by Kent Doane

We Must Retaliate With Measured, Focused Rage
by Larry Tempel

Fantastic.