Earlier at mission control…
Hamburg, Germany, SPIEGEL ONLINE HQ: October 21, 8:21 AM
SPON Editor: (munching muffin and sipping on Latte) Damn, it looks like Bush might still win…there must be something we can do…
SPON Underling: (running into office) Master! I have a brilliant idea!
SPON Editor: What is it now? I’m busy here trying to find a way to slam Bush…this had better be good!
SPON Editor: This Had Better Be Good!
SPON Underling: Master, I know how we can influence the Americans to vote against Bush…we just have to do what the Guardian newspaper in England is doing.
SPON Editor: WHAT! HOW?
SPON Underling: All we have to do is start a letter writing campaign to voters in a swinger state!
SPON Underling: All We Have to Do is Start a Letter Writing Campaign...
SPON Editor: Brilliant! You’ve finally come up with something good. We will tell our readers to write the American cowboys in the backward corner of some swinger state. They will believe everything and Bush will lose!
SPON Underling: I’ve already purchased a list of American voters and come up with a sample letter for our readers:
SPON Editor: Let me see that:
Sample Letter to Voter in Swinger State:
Dear Amerikan Freund,
I am vriting to you about ze very important elektion on November 2nd because you live in a swinger state. You must vote against George Dubbelyu Bush. He is a very, very big, big liar and dangerous stupid cowboy and reminds us of the Fuhrer. Think very carefully mein Freund. You too could live in a Socialist paradize just like Deutschland. You will love paying the 16% sales tax and $5 a gallon for benzin knowing that it will be well invested in beautiful vindmills. The double-digit unemployment vont even bother you when you get your velfare check each month.
And we vill gladly velcome you back into ze family of nations. You can once again join us in sending angry letters to all the vorld’s most dangerous dictators and ve vill assign a new Fuhrer von the UN to run your military so that you vill never start another evil unilateral var of aggression without German stormtroopers.
Sink about it. Bush must go!
Yor German Freund.
SPON Editor: Genius! Post it on the website immediately. I want this to get maximum exposure! We will defeat Bush yet! Soon you will be the next Amerika Korrespondent.
SPON Underling: Yes Master!
(Update from David: Some commentators to this posting deliberately ignore the obvious sarcasm of this piece. As if SPON would write in English with a German accent!! Newsflash: Dr. Evil and Mini-Me don't really work for SPON and there is no real SPON letter writing campaign. It is a joke people! This is a parody on the Guardian flop. Isn't that obvious?
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